Dove Therapy Reflection
Sometimes emotions arrive so quickly and intensely that we react before we have had time to understand what is happening. You may feel an urge to escape, shut down, send a message, make an immediate decision or do something simply to make the discomfort stop. At other times, you may become frozen and unable to decide what to do next.
The DBT STOP skill offers a gentle pause.
It is not about ignoring your emotions, suppressing your natural responses or forcing yourself to appear calm. It is a way of creating a little space between what has happened and what you do next. Within that space, you can begin to notice what your nervous system is communicating and choose a response that feels safer, kinder and more helpful.
Understanding the STOP Skill
STOP stands for:
S — Stop
T — Take a step back
O — Observe
P — Proceed mindfully
You do not need to complete the skill perfectly. Even remembering one part of STOP may help interrupt an automatic reaction and give you an opportunity to choose what happens next.
S — Stop
When you notice that an emotion or urge is becoming intense, pause if you can. Try not to act immediately. You do not have to respond to the message, solve the problem, make the decision or understand everything at once. You might say to yourself:
- “Pause.”
- “I don’t have to act yet.”
- “Something has activated my nervous system.”
- “I can give myself a moment.”
If words are difficult when you are overwhelmed, you could use a visual STOP sign, a hand signal or a coloured card as your reminder.
| Gentle Reminder
Stopping does not mean that your feelings are wrong. It simply gives you time to listen to them before deciding what to do. |
T — Take a Step Back
Create some distance from the immediate situation. This could mean physically stepping away, sitting down, putting your phone aside or moving to a quieter space. It might also be an internal step back: taking one slow breath and reminding yourself that you do not need to deal with the whole situation immediately. You could try:
- Breathing out slowly
- Placing both feet on the floor
- Closing an app or putting down your phone
- Moving away from noise, bright light or other sensory demands
- Taking a drink of water
- Asking for a few minutes before responding
- Using a familiar regulating movement or stim
Taking a step back is not the same as avoiding the situation. It is a temporary pause that helps you return with more awareness and choice.
| Gentle Reminder
Your step back can be very small. One breath or a few seconds of stillness can be enough to begin with. |
O — Observe
Gently notice what is happening without demanding an immediate explanation. You might observe:
What is happening in my body?
- Is my heart beating quickly?
- Am I tense, hot, shaky, nauseous or restless?
- Do I feel frozen, disconnected or unable to speak?
- Am I hungry, thirsty, tired, in pain or needing the toilet?
- Is there too much—or too little—sensory input?
What thoughts are showing up?
- Am I expecting the worst?
- Do I feel that I must solve this immediately?
- Am I trying to work out everything at once?
- Am I interpreting uncertainty as danger?
What emotion or urge is present?
- Anxiety
- Anger
- Shame
- Sadness
- Fear
- Overwhelm
- The urge to escape
- The urge to react
- The urge to shut down
If identifying an exact emotion feels difficult, you might simply notice:
I feel settled, activated or overwhelmed.
You do not need to judge, challenge or change what you notice. Begin by gathering information about what your nervous system may need.
| Gentle Reminder
Observation is not interrogation. You are noticing your experience, not putting it on trial. |
P — Proceed Mindfully
Ask yourself:
“What would be the most helpful next step?”
You do not need to decide how to manage the whole day or resolve the entire situation. Choose one small action that considers your feelings, your needs and the possible consequences.
Your next step might be to:
- Continue with what you were doing
- Wait before responding
- Ask for clarification
- Express a boundary
- Move to a quieter environment
- Use a distress-tolerance or sensory-regulation skill
- Write down what you want to say
- Speak to someone you trust
- Rest before making a decision
- Focus only on the next manageable task
Proceeding mindfully does not always mean proceeding calmly. You may still feel anxious, angry or overwhelmed. The aim is to act with greater awareness rather than being carried entirely by the intensity of the moment.
| Gentle Reminder
A mindful response does not have to be a perfect response. It only needs to be a little more considered than the automatic one. |
Making STOP Neuro-Affirming
Autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people may experience emotions, sensory information and bodily signals very intensely. At the same time, it may be difficult to identify or describe those signals until they have become overwhelming.
STOP can be adapted to work with your nervous system rather than against it.
You may find it helpful to:
- Use a visual card rather than relying on memory
- Reduce spoken language during overwhelm
- Include stimming or repetitive movement
- Move away from distressing sensory input
- Use familiar pressure, warmth, texture, sound or movement
- Allow additional processing time before answering questions
- Write or type rather than speak
- Ask another person to give you time and space
- Practise STOP when regulated so it feels more familiar
- Begin with body and sensory needs before analysing thoughts
The aim is not to make autistic responses look less autistic. The aim is to help you recognise what is happening, reduce unnecessary distress and make choices that protect your wellbeing.
An Example: Anxiety Upon Waking
You open your eyes and immediately feel anxious. Your heart is racing and your mind begins searching for everything that might go wrong during the day.
Stop
“I don’t have to solve today from bed.”
Take a step back
You leave your phone where it is and breathe out slowly.
Observe
“My body feels activated. I am thirsty, the room is bright and I am thinking about the whole day at once.”
Proceed mindfully
You reduce the light, have a drink of water and follow the first step of your familiar morning routine.
The anxiety may not disappear immediately. However, instead of entering the whole day at once, you have chosen one supportive next step.
My Personal STOP Plan
Situations in which STOP might help me
Signs that I am becoming activated or overwhelmed
In my body:
In my thoughts:
In my behaviour or urges:
My reminder to stop
A word, phrase, image, colour or gesture:
Ways I can take a step back
What I need to observe
- My body
- My thoughts
- My emotions
- My sensory environment
- My immediate needs
- The facts of the situation
- Something else:
Helpful actions I could choose
A phrase I would like to remember
Examples:
- “I do not have to respond immediately.”
- “One thing at a time.”
- “My feelings are real, and I can choose my next step.”
- “I can pause without abandoning the problem.”
- “I only need to decide what happens next.”
My phrase:
Practising STOP
STOP is easier to remember during difficult moments when it has already been practised during calmer ones.
You could begin by using it with small situations, such as:
- Receiving a mildly frustrating message
- Noticing that you are beginning to rush
- Feeling uncertain about a change of plan
- Becoming overwhelmed by several tasks
- Waking with anxious thoughts
- Feeling the urge to agree to something before considering your needs
Afterwards, gently reflect:
- What alerted me that I needed STOP?
- Which part of the skill was most helpful?
- Did I notice a sensory or physical need?
- What did I choose to do?
- Is there anything I would change next time?
| Gentle Reminder
Skills develop through repetition, not perfection. Remembering STOP after you have reacted is still useful: it can help you understand the pattern and recognise it sooner next time. |
Fireside Reflection
Imagine sitting somewhere warm, safe and undemanding. There is no pressure to answer immediately, explain yourself perfectly or make a decision before you are ready. You are allowed to pause and let the intensity settle.
Think of a recent situation in which your emotions moved faster than your ability to process them.
What might have changed if you had been able to create a small pause?
Perhaps the situation would still have been difficult. Perhaps the emotion would still have been strong. STOP does not promise to remove those feelings. It simply reminds you that, whenever possible, you deserve enough time and space to notice what is happening and choose how you would like to care for yourself next.
One Gentle Thought
A pause is not doing nothing. It is a moment in which a different choice can become possible.
🕊️ From Dove Therapy Resources
Thank you for spending this time with yourself. I hope you leave this resource with a little more understanding than you arrived with, a little less self-judgement, and one gentle thought to carry with you. May you continue to meet yourself with the same compassion you so freely offer others.
Carol Gledhill MBACP
Person-Centred • Trauma-Informed • Neuro-Affirming